Chapter Two: A Girl Who Knows Love.

“God’s love is here to stay, and that’s what gives the God Girl the strength to rise above the mess and smile. She knows that no matter how hard life may be, no matter how bad she’s messed up, he will never abandon her and never leave her.”

Two things jumped out at me from these few sentences. One was that God’s love is permanent. The other was “no matter how bad she’s messed up”. See, I have this thing. I know God loves me, I also know that he forgives me and I also know that once forgiven, he wont bring back my past. It is finished. I know these things, and no matter how much I know God will do all these things, it is a whole other ball game when it comes to myself. I can accept God’s forgiveness, but it is the hardest thing in the world to accept my own.

I keep coming back to the ‘if only’s. If only I didn’t do this one thing, or more accurately, those twenty things, it would be ok. Or maybe if I didn’t make a huge fool of myself, and if no one really knew of those twenty things, I could get over it. 
If only.
If only.
If only.
If only I can forgive myself, than everything else would come so easy.

So each day, I aim to leave he past where it belongs and fix my eyes on what lays ahead. Because it is so much better than anything I can imagine.
He will give me the strength to rise.

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