But Within Us The Wilderness Still Lingers

The day I walked out of college for the last time, I wrote these words:

once you fall in love with it, you can no longer open your eyes without seeing the world differently. every single thing was placed exactly where it was for a purpose. just as we were. just as i was.

I was talking about graphic design–2012 saw me falling hopelessly in love with this thing that only started out as a career option. I loved graphic design, I loved college, I loved the community I had found myself in but then graduation came and went and everything I had worked so hard for was fading into a deafening silence. Job application after application was sent and nothing was returned. Nobody seemed interested and slowly I retreated, with a broken little heart in my hands.

The last six months have been some of the hardest of my life, but they have also been the most honest. This is life, this is the industry. They don’t tell you that finding work after graduation is akin to pouring your heart out until you have nothing more to give: this is it, this is me, this is all I have right now, take a chance.

No one ever said that this wilderness would take away all creative drive I had, that I would find myself hating the very thing I previously wanted to spend my life doing. And they definitely don’t tell you what you do when everything you worked for is no longer what you want.

But you will find your way.

And when you least expect it, you will want it again. You will find the motivation again: for applications, for interviews, for no, for yes. To create, to design, to communicate, to update. You will fall in love again.

The wilderness takes away, but when you least expect it, it will find a way to give everything back. Pour yourself out, again and again. Breathe, cry, drink black coffee incase it gives you more inspiration then your regular order. It doesn’t. Laugh at yourself anyway. Design a poster and smile because you can look at it without hating everything you see. Apply for job you know you would be amazing at and be proud of yourself for getting back out there, regardless of the outcome. Try, try and try again.

and remember–
You are exactly where you need to be
at this place
in time.

——

A/N: I originally posted this a few months ago. I remember the day I posted it, and the day after that, and the day after that. I’m not sure these words are still as true for me but for someone else, they may be exactly what they need to hear.

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