Sometimes you turn twenty four and you forget who you were. You forget you were sixteen and naive, that you listened to ‘heavy music’ and that you wore your hair in a side fringe even though it wasn’t cut in that way. Someone should tell sixteen year old you that having ‘Page Avenue’ by Story of the Year on your iPod did not make you as hardcore as you thought it did. You forget that you were eighteen and full of wonder, that finishing high school was so exciting and you didn’t have plans but you knew you were going somewhere and the adventure was to be a great one. Most of all though, you forget that you were twenty and heartbroken because life was disappointing and no one had warned you about that. No one told you that the first year of your twenties would leave you broken and numb, with a very good habit of self medicating. Oh how good you were at that.
I don’t turn twenty four for another four months (that was a lot of fours/fors) but I want to blog about this while I remember because for some reason, tonight I am reminded of who I used to be and I want to tell that person how much better it has gotten. How much better it will always be. That you will find music, and songs, and people, and light. That you will find “a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things” and believe in better things you will. I promise.
If it is you who is currently fighting that battle, please stay. Your story is important, you are important. Today might not be so good, and tomorrow and the next day might not be the best also, but one day you will wake up and find yourself nothing like you used to be. You will smile again, you will feel again, you will be happy again. You are made for so much more. Please believe that, and if you can’t believe it right now, please know I believe it for you.
Sometimes you turn twenty four and you forget who you were. Most times this is a good thing– it means things have changed, that you have changed and that health and happiness are a reality. Other times, it pays to be reminded, if only for a night, of who you were and the things you have overcome. I pray I always believe in the better things.
There are many more words I could write and things I could say but maybe that is a story for another time. If you haven’t noticed by the image above or by the quotes I have used, I think the guys at TWLOHA are a pretty rad bunch. I owe them a whole lot and since seeing that myspace banner way back in 2007, I have always been a huge supporter. Jamie Tworkowski recently did a Tedx talk (maybe that’s what prompted this whole thing. That and finding a splendid collection of myspace photos) which I am going to post below. That guy really does have a way with words.
What makes you feel alive?